Should You Make the Decision About Assisted Living FOR Your Aging Mom?

We all want the best for our loved ones. You may have noticed your elderly mother is having difficulty maintaining the house. She might be calling you for help just about every day and you have been thinking about assisted living.

Perhaps when you’ve talked about this in the past she has dismissed the notion outright. It can cause frustration. It may have even created some tension between you and her.

You know she’s lonely. You believe she would do so much better in a different home environment, such as assisted living. Yet, despite your best efforts to get her to seriously consider this option, she won’t budge.

Or, perhaps she is dealing with some type of dementia like Alzheimer’s and is beginning to seriously struggle with her thoughts, memories, and decision-making processes. It’s not always easy to decide the right thing to do, and when it comes to assisted living, you may be tempted to make this decision for her.

Can and should you do this?

Assisted Living Mobile, AL: Decisions About Assisted Living

Assisted Living Mobile, AL: Decisions About Assisted Living

This is a vital question everyone needs to ask themselves. Each situation is different. If your mother is no longer lucid or cogent enough to make reasoned decisions for herself, do you have legal power of attorney over her affairs?

If not, that may be the best first course of action. Keep in mind, though, doing this through the court system (suing her) has the potential to cause serious relational harm between you and her.

What you may need to do in that type of situation is sit down with her when she is lucid and cogent and discuss the future. Somebody needs to be able to pay her bills, access her financial records and medical information, and help her make reasonable decisions about the future.

If your mother is still vibrant and mentally fit, it’s not your decision to make when it comes to assisted living or other options.

So, what if she continues to refuse?

That is her choice. It’s also your choice whether or not you sacrifice time and energy going over to help her whenever she needs assistance.

Many times, though, it comes down to misconceptions about why people refuse assisted living as an option. If your mother doesn’t understand what assisted living is, she may never agree to it.

Instead, begin talking about activities, friendships, games she might be playing with others, entertainment, no longer having to prepare her own meals, and so forth.

When she is interested in learning more about how all that is possible, then you could transition the conversation back to assisted living once more.


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Mobile, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017. 

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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