Mom May Want to Stay Close to Friends at Assisted Living Rather Than Where You Live

March 28, 2023 by ·
Assisted Living Satsuma AL

Assisted Living Satsuma AL

It’s been a long, difficult road looking after your elderly mother. You don’t live all that close to her, maybe a three or four hour drive away, perhaps longer. Yet, you aren’t going to abandon her. You’re not going to leave her alone to struggle and figure things out without support. You know there are many elder care choices for her, but you’ve also done your research.

You recognize that assisted living is one of the best things for people of advancing years, especially those who want to maintain a high quality of life, but who don’t want to worry about the daily rigors of living. Many activities of daily life are more challenging for people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s. That’s why assisted living is a wonderful elder care choice to make.

As difficult as it was for you to bring up the topic of assisted living, knowing that your mother has been fiercely independent most of her life, and as slow as she was to come around and see the value in it, she has finally agreed.

She Went on a Tour with You

She asked questions, as did you. You both saw many of the activities she could be enjoying. She got to meet some of the other residents there. Yet, the one you took her to was close to you, not close to her. You did this on a visit, perhaps over the holidays when you brought her home to spend time with the grandkids.

You expected she would be moving closer to you, which would make life so much simpler for you. However, you just discovered she wants to be close to her friends, her community, where she has lived for the past five or 10 or 20 years or so.

This Can Feel Like a Betrayal

You may have children, her grandchildren. You might be going out of your way traveling to visit her, check in on her multiple times throughout the week, or at least a few times a month. Maybe you’ve stayed with her overnight a few times, sacrificing your own marriage, relationships, and possibly even your work life.

You just assumed if she wasn’t going to move in with you and your family that she would move to an assisted living community near you.

This Decision has Caught You By Surprise

Yet, should it feel like a betrayal? Your mother has a life of her own. She has built this life over many, many years. Just as you and your children forged friendships, established connections, and have become comfortable where you are at this moment, she has, too.

It’s important not to think of this as a betrayal or that she is choosing her friends over you and your children, but rather her wanting to live her life on her terms. She wants you in her life. She still wants you to visit. She probably still wants to visit you and her grandkids.

She doesn’t want to lose touch with her friends, her connections, the people she spends the majority of her life with these days. Respect that and realize just because she’s choosing an assisted living community close to her doesn’t speak anything to her love for you.

If you or an aging loved one are considering a move to Assisted Living in Satsuma, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

Filed Under: Adapting to Assisted Living, Assisted Living, Assisted Living in Satsuma AL · Tagged: ,
About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
Google Verified Author