What Can You Say to Dad When He Says You Only Talk About Assisted Living Because You Don’t Care

Assisted Living in Saraland AL

Your father has a pretty good argument, or so you think. You keep talking about assisted living and he keeps bringing up the point that you just don’t care, which is why you keep bringing it up. Assisted-Living-in-Saraland-ALYou do care, but you probably get frustrated, angry, and defensive.

When people get defensive, why do you think that is?

Most people on the outside would assume a defensive person is only acting that way because it’s hitting too close to home. You may feel guilty at the thought that your father can see through you.

No, you truly do care.

You have been doing what you can to help out. You’ve been worried about his safety. You know there are things he simply can’t do any longer without putting himself at unnecessary risk. You stop over to assist him with the laundry, to take him to the store, or get things down from the attic.

You take time out of your busy schedule, drive a half hour out of your way each day, just to help them out. You can’t keep this up for long.

But, at the same time, you don’t want him to be at risk and without the support he needs. No one else in your family is stepping up. It’s just you.

When you bring up the topic of other options, including assisted living, it’s because you care. So why does it hurt so much when he says you don’t?

It’s about guilt.

You may feel guilty because you can’t do more for him. He was there for you. He raised you, helped you through your early adult life, and never seemed to turn his back on you. You’re not turning your back on him now, though.

So what can you say to combat these hurtful things?

Tell him you do care, which is why you are talking about this.

Let him know the challenges you’re facing at the moment. Let him know how limited your time is. Let him know you are getting worn out and it’s affecting your health.

Tell him you studied it.

You studied assisted living. You’re not bringing this to him out of thin air. You’ve researched it, visited a facility or two, talked to people who have chosen this for their future, and realize all the benefits it can offer.

Ask him what he knows about assisted living.

Your father may know very little about it and only has certain misconceptions. If you turn this around and ask that question of him, you may see what he views assisted living as. That could completely change the tenor and tone and direction of the conversation.

If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Saraland, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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