While Mom Might Certainly Benefit from Assisted Living, Dad’s Not Ready for That Move

Trying to convince aging parents that assisted living is a great option to consider can often feel like trying to herd cats. Anyone who has had cats in the past understands how quick and independent they are. They certainly have no desire to be controlled or even contained. It’s difficult not just getting one into a cat carrier to go to the vet, let alone trying to get 10 or 20 of them into a pen.

For elderly men and women, especially when they have been married for decades, the idea of change is not always easy to accept. They understand they’re getting older, things are getting more challenging, and new health issues are arising, but for the most part they have been able to manage things well enough. Perhaps the call on an adult child, neighbor, or friend for help with something around the house, that’s a rare occasion.

Lately, though, perhaps your mother has been showing signs of weakness.

Assisted Living Daphne, AL: Assisted Living Readiness

She might have had a mild stroke, major surgery, or cancer she fought recently. Whatever it was, she’s been requiring more and more assistance each day. You’ve noticed it starting to take a toll on your father. He is also growing weaker, and as they move through their 70s and head toward 80, you see the signs, the writing on the wall, so to speak.

You worry about their safety.
So, you’ve talked about assisted living. Your mother is open to the idea, mostly because she knows quite a bit more about it than your father. Perhaps she had a sibling or friend who moved into an assisted living community in the area. She may have visited this person frequently and realized how beneficial it was for people who had difficulty on their own.

However, right now your father is not ready for that move.
He doesn’t want to consider assisted living, even though your mother is ready to make a move. What happens now? They don’t really want to split up, and if they stay where they are you worry about their safety, both of them. In some situations, it may be beneficial for one spouse to move into the facility right down the road from the other as a way to segue both into this living environment.

Once your father sees your mother enjoying life, staying active, and getting the right support, and the more he begins to realize how challenging it is on his own, with or without her, he might come around to seeing the benefits your mother already knows about.


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living in Daphne, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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