When Caring for Mom Is Affecting Your Relationship with Her, Assisted Living Can Help

It’s often the same story; a middle-aged adult begins helping their aging mother or father. It’s usually because they live close enough to them that it makes sense to help. And, it’s often just for a “few little things” at first. You may not realize it, but after a while you are a family caregiver. And even though you love your mother or father, or both, tremendously, that doesn’t mean it is not stressful. In fact, being a family caregiver is incredibly stressful and often negatively impacts your relationship with that loved one.

Caregiver: Senior Living Options in Spanish Fort, AL

Caregiver: Senior Living Options in Spanish Fort, AL

When that happens, you can grow frustrated. So can she. You start snapping at one another. She begins rolling her eyes at you. Maybe, when you stop by one day after work, when you’re exhausted and want nothing more than to go home and just crash, she is pouting, ignoring you, and maybe even locked her bedroom door so you can’t get in.

These are just a few examples that happen time and time again across the country as adult children look after their aging parents or grandparents. They do it out of love, but it impacts the relationship in a harmful way.

Is there an alternative?

Absolutely. It’s called assisted living. It’s arguably the best elder care choice available for aging men and women who need at least some level of support and assistance or who no longer wish to worry about general upkeep, maintenance, or even cleaning their primary residence, whether it’s an apartment or large house.

Most adult children and other family members don’t talk about assisted living because they have the wrong idea about it. There are too many misconceptions about what assisted living is and does, but when you boil it all down to the bare facts, it is a top-tier elder care option that is available to those men and women who want to enjoy life while getting the support they need. The ancillary benefit to all of this is it allows you to focus on your relationship with your mother or father, grandparent, sibling, spouse, or the loved one who needs support instead of being their primary caregiver.

Why is assisted living such a great option?

Because, when you choose a quality facility, the senior who becomes a resident is suddenly exposed to a wide range of activities, experienced and dedicated support staff who are available day and night, and many other seniors their own age, some of whom they may have been friends with for years (even if they lost touch with them over time).

The focus of assisted living is to help people of advancing years live life on their terms. It is the best way to maximize quality of life while also protecting the relationship you have with this individual.

Nothing can deteriorate a relationship faster than roles being reversed, such as an adult child trying to parent their parent. In that situation, there is going to be friction and when there’s friction, there is simply no way to avoid relational harm.

When caring for your elderly mother is impacting your relationship with her, look into assisted living. You might just find it benefits more than just her.


If you or an aging loved one are considering a move to an Assisted Living Facility near Spanish Fort, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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