What Does It Mean When Mom Won’t Even Discuss Assisted Living?

When you’re worried about your elderly mother living alone, you may assume assisted living would be the best option for her. You might very well be correct, but what if she doesn’t even want to talk about it? 

If you’re caring for her, sacrificing your time, energy, and giving up many things you enjoy just to support her, shop for her, and visit with her, it can seem frustrating. You may be burning out, reaching your mental limits, but you don’t want her to be alone. 


There could be many reasons she isn’t discussing assisted living.

Assisted Living Citronelle, AL: Discussions about Assisted Living

She may know a great deal about assisted living. She could very well have numerous friends in one of these communities, but for one reason or another believes it’s not right for her. 

She may think that the cost is simply too much, that whatever savings she has or the home equity she has built up over her life is for you, your siblings, grandchildren, or others for her to leave behind, and she wants to keep it that way. 

You want her to be safe, to enjoy a higher quality of life, but she could be focusing on the wrong things. 

She also may not know very much about assisted living to begin with. She might have preconceived notions about it. These misconceptions are common, especially among older Americans. 

During the 70s and 80s, nursing homes were often considered potentially dangerous for seniors as a place to live. Some older Americans immediately associate those facilities with assisted living today, even though the two are completely different. 

If your mother has these misconceptions about assisted living, it makes sense that she wouldn’t want to talk about it at all. 


How do you get past these initial objections? 

One of the most effective things you can do is to start talking about activities, crafts, games, or other things she enjoyed doing with friends or others that she is no longer participating in for one reason or another. 

When you speak about these things as though they are still possible, you could pique her interest. A person whose interest is piqued is more willing to listen beyond just the words, “assisted living.” 

Be patient.  

It’s not easy for some people to get around or overcome misconceptions or preconceived notions about assisted living. However, in the meantime, learn as much as you can about a quality assisted living facility near her. 

If she ultimately decides that assisted living is a great option, support her decision if she wants to remain close to friends instead of moving closer to you or another family member. She has built a life in her community; she deserves to live where she wants. 


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Citronelle, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017. 

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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