Three Reasons It’s Not Healthy to Spend All Day with Mom at Assisted Living

When your elderly mother finally agreed to assisted living, it may have been a reluctant decision at first. In many cases, aging seniors have various misconceptions about this type of environment. It often causes them to not look into it more closely.

For your mother, though, perhaps she recognized her limitations and even acknowledged the loneliness she was feeling each and every day. She wanted a change, but something like this may have caused her considerable tension and anxiety.

So, you agreed to visit her every day when she first moved into this new living environment. And you are a person true to your word.

That may have helped her mentally prepare for this move, but there are numerous reasons why this would not be the best course of action moving forward. Below are three simple reasons why it’s not healthy to either spend all day on the phone checking in with her or visiting daily when she first moves into an assisted living facility.

Reason #1: She won’t explore.

Assisted Living Daphne, AL: It’s Not Healthy to Spend All Day with Mom at Assisted Living

The only way your mother is truly going to understand and embrace all this assisted living facility has to offer is getting out there. Yet, if you’re constantly visiting with her, she is going to latch onto you, spend most of her time in her room, or simply not have a desire see what entertainment or activities are available to her.

Reason #2: She won’t meet new people.

She may certainly meet a few neighbors and other residents, but with you there all the time, how is she going to have an opportunity to forge new relationships? It won’t happen.

Even if you decide to avoid visiting physically, if you’re calling several times a day (or she calls you numerous times a day for a conversation or because she’s nervous), in most cases she will wait in her room for you to show up or to talk to you.

That won’t give her the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends.

Reason #3: This often creates an unhealthy codependency.

Some people like the idea that others want and need them in their life. Not every relationship is a healthy one, though. When people are codependent on each other (outside of a marriage or other similar intimate relationship), they lose some autonomy and independence.

With age, health issues, and diminishing physical abilities, your mother is already feeling a loss of independence. If she develops an unhealthy codependent relationship with you, that will only exacerbate those feelings of inadequacy and a lack of independence.

Visit, sure, but limit the time you do so. It will help her, even if she seems nervous or begs you to spend more time with her during those initial weeks at assisted living.


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Daphne, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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