You Can Handle This Situation: When Mom Demands That You Spend All Day with Her at the Assisted Living Community

December 26, 2018 by ·

Your mother recently moved into an assisted living community. You were relieved when she finally accepted the possibility of this option. You took her on a tour of a couple of facilities in the area and, because she had a few friends at one particular community, that’s the one she chose.

Assisted Living in Pascagoula AL: When Mom Demands You Spend the Day

Assisted Living in Pascagoula AL: When Mom Demands You Spend the Day

You knew this was her decision to make.

Even though you were constantly concerned about her safety and well-being at home, you ultimately understood this was her decision to make. She had to make this decision on her own; you couldn’t force this upon her. When she finally decided to choose this assisted living community, you thought everything would be fine.

Right now, though, she is constantly calling and asking you to stop by and visit with her.

You’ve done that, and then some, but the more you go and visit, the more she seems to need of your time. You have begun to feel as though there’s no difference between her living at home where you would stop by daily, spending hours upon hours there offering companionship, helping her prepare a meal, clean the house, run errands, and so much more. While you don’t have to prepare a meal, go shopping for her, and do other things, it seems as though she is reluctant to get out and explore the various activities, meet new people, and reconnect with friends she had many years ago.

Stay calm, you can handle this.

There could be a number of reasons why your mother is relying on you instead of getting out and exploring the community around her. One of the most significant may be reluctance or nervousness on her part. She may be worried about rejection, as though she won’t have anything in common with other residents surrounding her.

She may have become used to having you stop by every day.

These habits develop over time and they are not always easy to eliminate. The steps you need to take first may be the most difficult. That is to sit down and tell her that there are limits to just how much time you are willing and able to spend sitting with her at this assisted living community.

Help her discover the various activities that take place throughout the day. Perhaps go and visit the dining facility with her one afternoon or evening for dinner. Check out the entertainment room.

Once you set those limits and are clear that she knows exactly what is going on there, it will be easier for you to separate yourself from the situation and allow her to lean on the new friends she’s making, the experienced staff, and her own desire to be active moving forward.

If you or an aging loved one are considering assisted living in Pascagoula, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

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About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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