When Mom Wants an Assisted Living Facility Close to Her and You Want Her Moving Closer to You: Who Blinks First?

It’s taken many months, possibly even years, but finally your mother has agreed to move into an assisted living facility. This has felt like a wonderful relief, but something is not quite right. When you were talking to her about assisted living, you were trying to convince her to move closer to you. You thought with her living only maybe 10 or 15 minutes away from you that you’d be able to spend much more quality time together. As it stands, every time you have to go visit her is a major issue because she lives several hundred miles away.

Assisted Living in Daphne AL: Choosing a Location

Assisted Living in Daphne AL: Choosing a Location

But, she wants to remain close to where she is now.

This has caused a new level of frustration for you. You’re happy she’s finally accepted her own limitations and been honest about the challenges she faces daily. You’re thrilled she is going to be surrounded by peers her own age and the possibility of taking part in a variety of activities that may be presented at a particular facility.

However, you know it’s best for her to be closer to you.

She would get to see your children, her grandchildren, spend more quality time with family, and still get all of the same benefits because the assisted living facility near you also provides many of the same assets.

Right now, this is causing tension between the two of you. You don’t want to listen to her saying she’ll live closer to where she is now. You are being firm that she should move closer to you. It’s gotten to the point where every time you speak on the phone it seems to devolve into an argument. You’re at your wits end. You just don’t want to hear what she has to say; you’re not going to relent on this. After all, you didn’t work this hard to convince her assisted living is best only to have nothing really change.

Whose decision is this?

The one thing many family members overlook is that the aging senior has every right to decide where he or she lives and what kind of support he or she receives. In this type of scenario, your mother has been living in this area for years. It might be decades. She has connections to the area, friends, people she considers her family in many ways.

This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see you or doesn’t care; it simply means this is where her home is. Ultimately, it’s important that we, as younger adults, adult children of aging parents, recognize that they are still independent, autonomous, and deserve our respect.

It may not be exactly what we want, but when an aging parent or other person we care about finally does choose assisted living, it’s a great relief and decision. Celebrate it, even if where they go isn’t exactly what we had in mind.

If you or an aging loved one are considering assisted living in Daphne, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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