Learning to ‘Let Go’ and Let Mom Settle into Her New Assisted Living Community

When Jane was 53, she had been taking care of her elderly mother for more than three years. It was a difficult time in her life, especially given how much time and effort she devoted to her mother. 

She was more than willing to do whatever she could, but it was taking a serious toll on her health and her friendships. At some point in the journey, she sat down to speak to her mother about other options, namely assisted living. 


Not a topic she wanted to talk about.

Assisted Living Mobile, AL: Settling Into Assisted Living

Discussing assisted living was not something Jane really wanted to think about. That’s because she associated assisted living with a failure on her part. A failure to do her duty, a failure to support her mother, and even feelings of guilt, as though she was only bringing this up for her own benefit, to get more free time for herself. 

Eventually, though, Jane’s mother warmed up to the idea. 

They went on a tour of a local facility and her mother was more than excited. Not only was the facility in great shape, she knew a couple of people already living there. 

The activities they offered, the grounds she could walk on, and the transportation they provided were all top-notch. 


After Jane’s mother moved in, she made it difficult for her to settle. 

Jane didn’t mean to make things tougher for her mother, but she was struggling with feelings of guilt, worry, and doubt. That’s why she called repeatedly throughout the day. 

She would call early in the morning to “check on” her mother. They would have a quick conversation and her mother would mention she was going to the restaurant to have breakfast. Then, Jane would call in the late morning, early afternoon, late afternoon, evening, and often at nighttime. 

She also got in the habit of stopping by almost every day for the first few weeks. Jane didn’t realize it, but she was interfering with her mother’s ability to settle in and connect with people at this new assisted living facility. 

Her mother began waiting for those calls and those visits rather than watching a movie in the entertainment room, pursuing certain arts and crafts and other activities that were being offered, and even enjoying the grounds during spring. 

Sometimes, family has to learn to let go and allow their loved one to “settle in” to a new living environment. It took Jane a little bit of time to realize is, but once she did, her mother benefited tremendously. In fact, they both did. 


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Mobile, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017. 

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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