Convincing Mom That Assisted Living Doesn’t Have to Happen Overnight; In Fact, It May Take a Few Months

You stare into space. Maybe your spouse or even your child asks if everything’s okay. You dismiss their concerns; you don’t want to talk about this. Not again. It seems to be a commonly recurring theme in your life and it’s getting frustrating. Your mother, in her late 70s or maybe even 80s, living alone, and showing more frailty each week continues to refuse your advice and counsel. You’ve mentioned assisted living so many times that it’s starting to turn into a fight every day you go over to help her with one thing or another.

But, you’re running out of energy.

Assisted Living Citronelle, AL: Assisted Living Doesn’t Have to Happen Overnight

You can’t keep worrying about her, you think. What can you do? Yes, she may very well be at risk of slipping and falling and being hurt. However, if she still has her full mental function and capacity to reason, she has the right to decide where she lives.
Convincing an elderly person that assisted living is a wonderful option rather than a loss of independence or a curse can take time. It may require you to step back and evaluate the situation as independently and honestly as possible, and you may see there are other steps you could consider taking.

First, it’s important to listen.

This cannot be iterated enough; listening is one of the most powerful yet underused communication tools we have. Far too often, though, when we are concerned or scared, we have a tendency to talk over others or even tell people what to do.
Your mother may have already expressed some concerns or questions and you saw them as attacks on the idea of assisted living. The next time ask her what her true opinions, thoughts, or perceptions are about this prospect and pay attention to her answers.

Second, learn as much as you can about assisted living.
You can go on a tour without her, read up about facilities in the area, learn about the dining options, activities, and other benefits it offers seniors. The more you know the easier it will be for you to answer questions or even counter objections.

Third, be understanding.
It is frustrating when you lie awake at night wondering if your mother could possibly be hurt on the floor and unable to call for help. However, try to see this situation from her perspective.

She might believe giving in and moving into assisted living is admitting she can’t take care of herself or that she will lose all independence. The more you know about a quality assisted living facility, the more you will realize that is simply not the case.

Finally, help her acknowledge the challenges and limitations she faces now.
She knows them. She experiences them every day. However, she might not admit it because she’s afraid of the unknown, the future, or losing her sense of self or independence.

It might take time to convince your mother that assisted living is the right option, but don’t try to force it into an overnight solution.


If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living Citronelle, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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