A Matter of Wills: How to Deal with a Parent Who Doesn’t Want to Choose Assisted Living?

Sarah and her mother Jill usually had a good relationship, but in recent months a tension has developed. Sarah wants her mother to consider assisted living, especially given all of the safety issues that exist in Jill’s house. Jill doesn’t want anything to do with the conversation.

Assisted Living in Satsuma AL: Dealing with a Parent Who Doesn't Want to Choose Assisted Living

Assisted Living in Satsuma AL: Dealing with a Parent Who Doesn’t Want to Choose Assisted Living

It leads to arguments.

Every time Sarah brings the topic of assisted living up, Jill gets mad, starts yelling at her, storms out of the room, slams the door, and tells her to go away. If she calls, many times Jill won’t even answer and that creates extra stress and anxiety for Sarah because she just doesn’t know if her mother is hurt, unable to get to the phone, or if she’s just being obstinate.

Sarah knows this is the best decision for her.

Sarah has been helping her mother for a long time. This has been going on for more than three years. Sarah lives more than half an hour away from Jill, and between work and all of the other responsibilities Sarah has in her life, it is a burden, to say the least. It’s over an hour drive out of the way every single time her mother needs something.

Jill has been doing research about assisted living facilities in the area.

Her research has led her to realize there are so many benefits to not just keeping her mother safe, but encouraging her to meet new people, forge new friendships, and begin pursuing a host of activities, including arts and crafts.

Her mother just doesn’t want to let go.

Jill has been living in the same house for decades. She has a lot of memories here, is comfortable here, and can’t even envision going through various items, including furniture, pictures, mementos, and more.

Who’s right?

When it comes down to a matter of will, is the adult daughter, Sarah in this case, right about insisting her mother chooses assisted living? Or should her mother be allowed to stay in a house that is no longer safe, is too big for her to take care of, all because she is being obstinate?

Ultimately, an elderly person has every right to decide where they live, when they move, if they do move, and who else they rely upon. What Sarah should do is not just keep pushing the issue in a general sense, but learn more about assisted living, the various activities certain facilities in the area offer, and begin talking about the benefits they can provide that might pique her mother’s interest. Learning as much as you can about it is one of the best ways to help convince somebody to at least think about it more.

If you or an aging loved one are considering assisted living in Satsuma, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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